Diary of A Possibly Evil Baby Genius

Diary of a Possibly Evil Baby Genius
By S.Wang

June 5th, 2005
I was born onto this Earth on a stormy day. Released form my mother’s womb, I set eyes on those terrible creatures that surrounded me and let out a cry. For I realized with disgust that I’m the same kind as those terrible creatures: I’m a mere human.

June 13th, 2006
I have arrived at a place called “home”, and was being carried in forcefully by two creatures of my kind called “parents”. How grim the world seems! I let out another cry.

June 14th, 2006
I had become conscious that my mundane identity is Walter Lane.

June 23rd, 2006
I found my power in voice, and began to command my “father” by calling him “Dan”. Unfortunately, he thought I called him “Dad”, which caused commotion among the household that I did not want.

June 24th, 2006
Laura, my “mother” made attempts to make me call her “Mommy”, I refused. I also stopped calling Dan, because that will cause more commotion.

June 28th, 2006
The stroller is a torture! I was strapped in no matter how hard I protested. My strength was not great enough to break out, but someday I will, believe me, I will!

June 30th, 2006
I began to imitate the objects surrounding me. Using the writing instrument I have seized at a nearby table, I began to draw the stuffed dog I’ve received from Dan and Laura. To my disappointment, it looked shapeless like spilled milk.

July 4th, 2006
Laura forced me on her lap to watch the television. I was extremely annoyed by this at first, but then I realized the beauty I was seeing. Red, yellow, green, purple, all sorts of color splattered across the screen. And to my surprise, all this beauty began with a big “boom”. Later I learned from Laura’s commentary that this was called “fireworks.” Perhaps I someday I will take over the world using “fireworks”.

July 5th, 2006
Laura brought in her “friends’ to celebrate the one month anniversary of my birth. To my discontentment, her ‘friends” brought their infant version my kind. Okay, fine, I’m also an infant, but that is not my point! Anyway, those filthy minions kept putting their claws on me and taking my stuffed dog. I was utterly frustrated, and I struck one of them. But they did not wail, why must my fist be so fragile?

July 13th, 2006
I’ve completed my escape plan. After a few days of looking around, I have drawn a map of the directions from my room to the door. I’m proud.

July 14th, 2006
Dan has found my escape plan! He took away my carefully drawn map! Then he muttered something about who drew such a dreadful picture.

July 18th, 2006
Nothing happened. I just wanted to record the nothingness of this world. This led to a stronger desire of ruling the world.

July 21st, 2006
My idiotic Laura had brought in her “friends” once again to disturb my peace. Those infant minions continued to irritate me by touching me and taking my toy away. Curse them! When I’m king you all will be the first against the wall!

July 22nd, 2006
I still cannot overcome my horror about my “grandparents”. The male grandparent was named “Cal”, and has a enormous belly. The female one was named “Anne’, I was screaming for my life when Anne’s artificially painted lips touched my face! That’s it, tomorrow I will begin my plan to rule the world, and then I’ll be able to ban people from touching my clean body. Seriously, I will. And the next time you hear from me, you will be bowing before my throne for I’m your ruler!